Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
