Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
