I want to make a zoo with you.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
