I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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