I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
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I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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