im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
