I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
