youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
