And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
