I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
two words: eviction party
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
