no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
