I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize