i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Oh god it's open bar.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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