Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
