I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
