ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you inspire me to be a worse person
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
