youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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