I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
