i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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