how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
