I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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