dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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