I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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