Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
