What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
