If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
