he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
