Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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