Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
