my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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