i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
