Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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