dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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