i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
