we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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