somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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