the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
