we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
