she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
