Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
