I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
