My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
