erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
