hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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