maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
