they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
