remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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