Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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