so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
