everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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