Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize