I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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