overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I will be naked everywhere
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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