I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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