Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
