Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
