Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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