Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car