Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
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Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams