That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now