I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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