She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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