do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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