The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
