when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
