it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
