yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
