Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
