Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
