apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Too much gin, very little bucket
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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