Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The Olympian is in my bed
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